When Choco/Mog Goes Mad
by Deekz
Summary: ...very strange things start happening. But who's all behind this?! Yet another fic that was made out of the top of my head.
1. Chapter 1

When Choco/Mog Goes Mad...  
By: Deekz  
  
  
Rated PG-13 for language.  
  
  
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Squaresoft or anything like that. Don't sue me. I was just bored when I wrote this. Everything came out of the top of my head.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Sephiroth, you'll pay for all of the things you did!" Cloud yelled as he felt his anger rise higher and higher.   
  
"Wait!" Sephiroth yelped. "I don't wanna die!"  
  
"But I want you to!" Cloud yelled. "You killed Aeris and all of those other people!"  
  
"Jenova made me do it!" Sephiroth yelped.  
  
"I don't care, just die!" Cloud said. "The game says you die, so die!"  
  
"No!" Sephiroth whimpered. "I'm too young to die!"  
  
"Stop complaining and DIE ALREADY!" Cloud yelled. But, suddenly, his anger began to go down. "NO! THIS ISN'T SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN IN THE GAME!"  
  
"Hah!" Sephiroth laughed. "The game pities me!"  
  
"Noooo!" Cloud cried. "Aeris! I failed you! And you were so good in bed!"  
  
"…" Sephiroth stared at Cloud, awestruck.  
  
"…I DID NOT SAY A WORD!" Cloud yelled. "Not one thing!"  
  
"Oh well," Sephiroth said. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM THE SUPREME EVIL!"  
  
"But you said Jenova made you evil," Cloud said.  
  
"But I was lying, you see!" Sephiroth laughed. "The foolish game actually believed me and pitied me! Hahahahaha! You see how good I am, puppet?!"  
  
"NOOO!" Cloud said. "Why, game, why?!" Cloud fell to his knees and began to cry.  
  
"WARK!  
  
"What?!" Sephiroth looked around. "A chocobo & and a mog want to challenge me?!"  
  
Cloud looked up. "Choco/Mog! You've come to save me! I love you!"  
  
"…wark…" the chocobo answered angrily.  
  
"Shut up, Spikes!" the mog yelled.  
  
Cloud leaped at the chocobo and hugged its leg. "Hey, are you good in bed?"  
  
"WARKK!" the chocobo retorted angrily, prying Cloud's hands off its legs. It began stomping on his head.  
  
"OW!" Cloud screeched.  
  
"Pervert!" the mog yelled.  
  
"You're supposed to listen to me, you stupid summon!" Cloud yelled.  
  
"Yes, listen to the fool, I'm allergic to chocobos!" Sephiroth sniffed." Achoo!"  
  
"Shut up, you!" The mog yelled, digging his heels into the chocobo's sides.  
  
"WARK!" the chocobo leaped to a start, giving Cloud a final stomp on the head. It crashed into Sephiroth, blowing him into the Meteor.  
  
"WAHHHHHHH!" Sephiroth screamed. "NOOOO! I'M GOING TO DESTROY THE METEOR! MY MASTERPIECEEEEEEEEEEE! AND I HAVE GAS, TOO!!" Sephiroth slammed into the Meteor. There was a huge explosion and the Meteor was gone.  
  
"You did it, Choco/Mog!" Cloud said, hugging the mog instead. "Are you good in bed?"  
  
"PERVERT!" mog bit Cloud's finger and tugged at it hard.  
  
"YOW!" Cloud jumped back. "C'mon, baby!"  
  
"Cloud…"  
  
"Shit."  
  
"CLOUD…"  
  
"SHIT."  
  
"CLOUDDD…!"  
  
"SHITTTTT…!"  
  
"CLOUDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Tifa jumped out of nowhere, her limit break building. "Get back here, Cloud!"  
  
"WARK!" the chocobo pecked Tifa in the head.  
  
"OW!" Tifa jumped back. "What was that for?"  
  
"It saved the world, I swear it!" Cloud said.  
  
"Shut up, you!" Tifa launched a punch at his face. "You saved the world?"  
  
"WARK!" Choco/Mog pecked Tifa in the eye.  
  
"OW! YOU BASTARD!" Tifa said. She prepared to kick the chocobo, but it flew away.  
  
"Chocobos can fly?" Cloud asked.  
  
"Don't ask me," Tifa said. "Ask the author."  
  
A mysterious voice in the air says, I'm the one who makes the stories, and I'm the one who makes chocobos fly! Well, actually they can fly in Final Fantasy IX…at least the golden ones.  
  
"F…F…9?!" Tifa & Cloud growled.  
  
Don't worry. I didn't say anything. You can't hit me anyway. HAH!  
  
"DAMMIT!!" Cloud yelled.  
  
"She's a traitor!" Tifa said. "You're a traitor, too!"  
  
  
"Me?!"  
  
"You cheated on me!" Tifa yelled, tears building in her eyes. "Die!" She unleashed her whole string of limit breaks on Cloud.  
  
"Ow," Cloud fell to the ground.  
  
"Humph!" Tifa folded her arms and glared at Cloud. "That'll teach you!"  
  
"Uh, I think the crater is gonna f***ing explode on our asses if we don't haul them outta here!" Cid said, appearing out of nowhere.  
  
"YAHHH!" Cloud jumped to his feet and rushed off.  
  
"Wait…I like beating on you, Cloud! Get back here!" Tifa yelled, chasing after him.  
  
"What the f*** is going on with them?" Cid shrugged and rushed off after them.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: ...is this funny or stupid or...stupid? I can't really write humor fics that well. Were you laughing your bottom off reading this? I dunno. Do you want me to continue this? This is what reviews are for. Review, you insolent fool! And I'm working on A Night With Rufus & The Turks, but I just don't have time to write! Ack!  



	2. 

When Choco/Mog Goes Mad...  
By: Deekz  
  
  
Rated PG-13 for language.  
  
  
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Squaresoft or anything like that. Don't sue me. I was just bored when I wrote this. Everything came out of the top of my head.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh no, it's the Big Bang!" screamed Cloud.  
  
"It's not the Big Bang you idiot!" Tifa yelled.  
  
"Yes it is! It's a Big Bang!" Cloud retorted.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Are you good in bed?"  
  
"CLOUD!" Tifa screamed, landing a fist on Cloud's face.  
  
Cloud's eyes began to water. "You're so mean!" Cloud began to cry uncontrollably.  
  
"Wahahaha!" Tifa laughed triumphantly. "I made you CRY! Yes!"  
  
"Tifa," Red started. "I thought you liked Cloud."  
  
"He asked Choco/Mog if it was good in bed!" Tifa said.  
  
"No I didn't!" Cloud yelled. He slapped Tifa.  
  
"Why you…!" Tifa slapped back.  
  
Cloud lunged at Tifa and began to pull on her hair.  
  
"Ahhhh!" Tifa screeched and began to claw at Cloud's face.  
  
"Cat fight, cat fight!" Vincent jumped around waving a flag. "Go Tifa!"  
  
"Shut up!" Cloud squealed in a high-pitched voice, throwing a fake nail at Vincent's eye.  
  
"OW!" Vincent yelped.  
  
"Get back here Cloud!" Tifa yelled as Cloud jumped up and began to rush towards the deck. Everybody decided to follow.  
  
Tifa & Cloud buzzed through the deck's doors, followed by everybody else.  
  
"I still say Tifa will win!" Vincent said, the fake nail still lodged in his eye.  
  
"Shut up!" Cloud said again, this time throwing a fake nail in his other eye.  
  
"Why me?!" Vincent cried.  
  
"Awww, it'll be okay," Yuffie said.  
  
"Really?" Vincent sniffed.  
  
Yuffie nodded and hugged Vincent. "It'll be just alright!"  
  
"I love you Yuffie!" Vincent said, kissing her.  
  
"I love you too, sweetie!" Yuffie said.  
  
"Move this somewhere else, you god damn love birds!" Cid said, kicking them out.  
  
"Oh my God!" Tifa yelled.  
  
"You killed Kenny!" Cloud said.  
  
"You bastard!" Cait said.  
  
"Not that!" Tifa said. "THAT!" She pointed towards a chocobo flying above.  
  
"Hahahaha!" a mog leaned down from the chocobo's head. "I got you now! Atttaccckkk!"  
  
"WARK!" the chocobo began to fly around in circles, releasing its excrement on the party.  
  
"AHHHHHH!" they all screamed, panicking and running around the deck frantically.  
  
"Ahhh! I have a big piece of crap in my hair!" Tifa screeched. "Help me! I'm meellttinngg!!" Tifa fell to her knees.  
  
"No you're not," Barret said.  
  
"Oh. I knew that," Tifa said, getting back up. "AHHHHH!" She resumed her panicking position.  
  
"SUICIDEEEEEE!" Cloud finally couldn't take it anymore and he jumped off the Highwind and down towards Kalm.  
  
"CLOUD! I'M COMING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Tifa said, leaping off towards him. Everybody else exchanged confused looks, then shrugged and jumped off towards them.  
  
"Wahaha!" said a strange creature hovering on top of the Highwind. "My plan is working! I can easily manipulate this foolish summon! Wahahaha! Hey, who's that?" The creature looked down and saw Vincent & Yuffie walking out on the deck.  
  
"What happened here?" Vincent asked.  
  
"I don't-YAHHH!" Yuffie slipped on a puddle of excrement.  
  
"MY LOVEEEE!" Vincent dove towards her, but missed horribly.  
  
"You!" the creature said, thrusting out its pointed, orange weapon. "You're coming with me!"  
  
"Wait, one question!" Yuffie said, dangling off the edge of the Highwind. "Where's everybody else?"  
  
"They landed on Kalm," the creature said.  
  
"My love!" Vincent said. "You need to get her down!"  
  
"She will be…hahahaha…hahahaha…HAHAHAHA!" the creature laughed insanely. "WAHAHAHAHA! I WILL RULE THE WORLD! Er, right after I take you guys in."  
  
"Gogogo!" the mog screamed.  
  
"WARKK!" the chocobo smashed into Yuffie & Vincent, knocking them out. The creature picked up both of them.  
  
"Hey!" the creature said. "You're my servant! YOU'RE supposed to be doing this!"  
  
"Oops," the mog said. "What are you waiting for?"  
  
"Wark!" the chocobo nodded and flew over to the creature.  
  
"Bah, stupid chicken!" the creature said, dumping the two on it.  
  
  
Author's Notes: One review, but I'm still gonna write this...right now I have major assignments that need to be done (yes, a very good excuse indeed), and I want good grades on them or else my dad would get mad (if he didn't, then I'd just slack off on the assignment. Bwahahaha.). My stories might got a little slow because of that. But, getting off that subject, what do you think of my story so far? Funny? Stupid? Random? Not really sure? That's what reviews are for...! 


	3. Chapter 3

When Choco/Mog Goes Mad...  
By: Deekz  
  
  
Rated PG-13 for language.  
  
  
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Squaresoft or anything like that. Don't sue me. I was just bored when I wrote this. Everything came out of the top of my head.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Cloud! Get back here!" Tifa waved her fists furiously, but it did no use. They were plummeting towards Kalm with nothing to save them.  
  
"I have a piece of excrement on my uniform!!" Cloud cried. "Why?!"  
  
Tifa growled. "BOLT3!" she screamed, a huge bolt slamming into Cloud and blowing him out of the air. He smashed through the inn of Kalm.  
  
"Where…where am I?" Cloud looked around, dazed.  
  
"C-C-CLOUD?!" screamed a voice. "YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!"  
  
Cloud looked around. "What did I do?" he asked. Finally, his eyes settled on a familiar blonde haired girl who just got out of the shower…  
  
"YOU'RE WORSE THEN THAT DON CORNEO PERVERT!" Elena screamed, kicking him. "GET AWAY, SHOO, SHOO!"  
  
"I still have friends that are coming," Cloud protested.  
  
"…huh?" Elena blinked. Cloud only pointed up. Elena stared up at the whole in the roof. "ACKKK!" She grabbed the nearest towel and tied it around her.  
  
"I'M STILL GONNA KILL YOU CLOUDDD!" Tifa yelled, landing on Cloud and clawing at him.  
  
Cloud hissed and pulled on Tifa's hair. He bit Tifa's hand and kicked furiously while baring his teeth.  
  
"…what the f***ing hell is wrong with them?" Cid asked.  
  
"I don't know," Red XIII. "It's fun to watch, though!" Red XIII pulled out a flag that read Cloud on it seemingly out of nowhere. "Go Cloud!"  
  
Cloud looked at Red XIII and smiled. "That's the spirit!"  
  
"Oh no it's not!" Tifa yelled, lunging at Red XIII. A huge dust cloud began to build.  
  
"You forgot about me, dammit!" Cloud growled, jumping into the dust cloud.  
  
"AHEM!" the ignored and severely annoyed Elena said, standing at the doorway of the bathroom. "SOMEONE is trying to take a god damned shower ya know! Go away!"  
  
Everybody stared at Elena. "Nah!" they all said in unison, gesturing their hands and watching the fight (or fighting).  
  
Elena growled and stomped away, clenching her fists and teeth. "They won't get away with this…errr…"  
  
  
Meanwhile, with Yuffie & Vincent…  
  
  
"Oh, my love, how are we going to get out?" Yuffie asked, huddling up near Vincent.  
  
"I do not know, my love, I do not know," was Vincent's only reply.  
  
"We shall die in here, my love!" Yuffie cried, clinging onto Vincent's cape. She tore it off instead.  
  
Vincent was speechless. "That…that was Ershin's!"  
  
"Ershin?"  
  
"She's my love from Breath of Fire IV!" Vincent cried. "ACK! THE AUTHOR'S MAKING ME SAY THIS! HELP ME! I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH A SOUL WHO LIVES INSIDE A PIECE OF ARMOR!"  
  
"…" Yuffie just glared at him, silent with anger.  
  
"It was the writer…I swear!" Vincent pleaded.  
  
Oh, no, no, no, no…it's not the writer! You know you like Ershin! Bahahahaha! the author laughed insanely.  
  
Yuffie's eyebrow twitched. "DIE YOU TWISTED BASTARD!" she roared and lunged at Vincent and bashed him over the head with her fist. "YOU CHEATED ON ME! I LOVED YOU SO!"  
  
"But…but…but it was the writer!" Vincent's lip quivered.  
  
"Well, the author's making me do this, but I enjoy it…" Yuffie said, a malicious grin spread across her face. "Hehehehe…I enjoy it…"  
  
"…" Vincent tried to inch slowly away from Yuffie, but she quickly grabbed him.  
  
"You're not going anywhere!" Yuffie said. "Mwehehehehe…! TICKLE TORTURE!"  
  
"NOOOO!" Vincent cried. "DON'T BRING BACK THOSE MEMORIES WHEN HOJO WAS TICKLE TORTURING ME! NOOOO!"  
  
  
Um, okay, let's hope everybody else is having better luck…  
  
  
"Uh…" Cait blinked. "Go…Red?"  
  
"WHAT?!" screamed Tifa & Cloud. "NOT RED!"  
  
"Jealous that Mr. Hottie Cait Sith likes me better then you?" Red said, smiling.  
  
Cloud and Tifa both threw VERY menacing glares at Red. "We're going to do this together…BUT ONLY THIS TIME!" Tifa said.  
  
Cloud nodded and lunged at Red, followed by Tifa. "He called me…hot?" Cait just stared.  
  
"I think so," Cid said.  
  
"RED, HERE I COMEEEE!" Cait screamed, lunging into the dust cloud.  
  
"I guess I'll root for one of these foo's," Barret said. "GO TIFA WITH YOUR BIG-"  
  
"NOO! YOU GUYS ALL ARE ROOTING FOR CLOUD!" Cid yelled, waving a flag that read Cloud across it.  
  
"NO WE DON'T!" Barret said. He aimed his gunarm at Cid. Cid took out his spear.  
  
"EN GARDE!" Cid yelled.  
  
"We aren't fencers," Barret said.  
  
"Fine! DIE!" Cid screamed, lunging at Barret. Yet another dust cloud built up…  
  
  
I REALLY don't think Vincent & Yuffie are having any better luck…  
  
  
Laughter ran through the dungeon as Yuffie continued to tickle torture Vincent. "NO-OOO-OO!" Vincent managed to say. "ME-EE-RR-CYY!"  
  
"Do you promise that you'll never cheat on me again?" Yuffie demanded.  
  
"WE-E-EELL…!" Vincent said, but burst out laughing again.  
  
"WELL WHAT?!" Yuffie said, tickling harder.  
  
"I-I WO-ON'TT CH-EEA-T ON Y-OOU EE-VVERR AA-GAIN!" Vincent said.  
  
Yuffie stopped. "Thank you!" she said, crossing her arms.  
  
Vincent wheezed and coughed, holding his stomach. "We need to get outta here!" Vincent said.  
  
"Gee, you just figured?" Yuffie said.  
  
"Yeah," Vincent said.  
  
"MY GOD…" Yuffie said. "You know, you're really-"  
  
The cell door opened, revealing a short creature draped in robes. "Your time has come," it said. "Come with me…to your end…MWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Vincent and Yuffie both looked at each other. "I love you, Yuffie!" Vincent clung onto Yuffie's arm, burying his face in her arm and crying.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Weeeee. Third chapter. The first part of the chapter was coming from the insane midnight mind of mine. The rest is just right now. Reviews are still handy. This is probably gonna be a longgggg fanfic... *shrugs* 


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